Nga mbajtja mend e dit\u00eblindjeve deri te ofrimi i sh\u00ebrbimit me buz\u00ebqeshje, jeta ka nj\u00eb varg p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsish t\u00eb p\u00ebrditshme q\u00eb rrall\u00eb diskutohen, dhe q\u00eb rendojn\u00eb n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb jo proporcionale mbi grat\u00eb. P\u00ebrballja me k\u00ebt\u00eb realitet, m\u00eb n\u00eb fund, mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb hap revolucionar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ne mbajm\u00eb mend alergjit\u00eb e f\u00ebmij\u00ebve, e b\u00ebjm\u00eb list\u00ebn e blerjeve, e dim\u00eb ku ndodhen \u00e7el\u00ebsat rezerv\u00eb. Ne b\u00ebjm\u00eb shum\u00eb pun\u00eb nj\u00ebkoh\u00ebsisht. Dim\u00eb kur na mbarojn\u00eb shkopinjt\u00eb e pambukut (Q-tips) dhe planifikojm\u00eb kur do t’i blejm\u00eb. Jemi m\u00eb t\u00eb mira n\u00eb mbajtjen mend t\u00eb dit\u00eblindjeve. E duam p\u00ebrkujdesjen p\u00ebr t\u00eb dashurit tan\u00eb dhe mbajm\u00eb sh\u00ebnime se \u00e7far\u00eb u p\u00eblqejn\u00eb t\u00eb han\u00eb. V\u00ebrejm\u00eb ndryshimet n\u00eb sh\u00ebndetin e njer\u00ebzve dhe i shtyjm\u00eb miqt\u00eb e familjar\u00ebt t\u00eb shkojn\u00eb te mjeku.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ne i d\u00ebgjojm\u00eb shqet\u00ebsimet e partnerit, ia falim mungesat dhe harresat, faktin q\u00eb p\u00ebrqendrohet n\u00eb nj\u00eb gj\u00eb t\u00eb vetme, nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb jemi t\u00eb z\u00ebna duke organizuar takimet e f\u00ebmij\u00ebve n\u00eb k\u00ebndin e loj\u00ebrave. Ne duartrokasim sukseset e arritura: grantin q\u00eb u fitua e ngritjen n\u00eb pozit\u00eb. Ishte p\u00ebrkushtimi i tyre, por edhe i joni, n\u00eb prapasken\u00eb. P\u00ebrve\u00e7 k\u00ebsaj, na thuhet se edhe ne mund t\u00eb arrijm\u00eb suksesin, n\u00ebse punojm\u00eb mjaftuesh\u00ebm. Duhet vet\u00ebm t\u00eb m\u00ebsojm\u00eb se si t\u00eb \u201cmarrim iniciativ\u00eb\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Po sikur, ashtu si kujdesi p\u00ebr f\u00ebmij\u00ebt dhe pun\u00ebt e sht\u00ebpis\u00eb, edhe kjo p\u00ebrpjekje e vazhdueshme p\u00ebr menaxhimin emocional t\u00eb jet\u00eb thjesht nj\u00eb form\u00eb tjet\u00ebr e pun\u00ebs s\u00eb papaguar?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gaboni, n\u00ebse mendoni se kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb e tep\u00ebrt. Koncepti i pun\u00ebs emocionale dhe barr\u00ebs emocionale – si akte t\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebritura, rraskapit\u00ebse dhe t\u00eb n\u00ebnvler\u00ebsuara t\u00eb performanc\u00ebs gjinore – ka qen\u00eb p\u00ebr dekada nj\u00eb subjekt studimi i shkencave sociale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Vet\u00ebm se ne t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve na \u00ebsht\u00eb dashur pak m\u00eb shum\u00eb koh\u00eb p\u00ebr ta kuptuar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jennifer Lena, sociologe dhe profesore e arteve n\u00eb Universitetin e Columbia-s, m\u00eb shikon nga ana tjet\u00ebr e tavolin\u00ebs prej druri t\u00eb vjet\u00ebr, ku po jemi ulur bashk\u00eb. Dy birra gjenden n\u00eb mes, t\u00eb gatshme p\u00ebr t\u2019u konsumuar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Por Lena nuk pi. Ajo thjesht m\u00eb shikon, duke dh\u00ebn\u00eb p\u00ebrshtypjen se \u00ebsht\u00eb disi e zhg\u00ebnjyer dhe e aspak e sfiduar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShkrimi yt i radh\u00ebs \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebr pun\u00ebn emocionale si fronti i ardhsh\u00ebm i feminizmit?\u201d – p\u00ebrs\u00ebrit ajo. \u201cKjo \u00ebsht\u00eb sociologji elementare! Prej vitesh ua m\u00ebsoj student\u00ebve t\u00eb nivelit Bachelor k\u00ebt\u00eb tem\u00eb.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Un\u00eb pi nj\u00eb gll\u00ebnjk\u00eb birr\u00eb dhe belb\u00ebzoj, si n\u00eb faj.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
P\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb e sinqert\u00eb, refuzimi miq\u00ebsor i Len\u00ebs shp\u00ebrfaq t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00ebn. Ky koncept ekziston prej m\u00eb shum\u00eb se 30 vitesh dhe ishte prezantuar p\u00ebr her\u00eb t\u00eb par\u00eb nga Arlie Hochschild, nj\u00eb akademike q\u00eb e formuloi zyrtarisht k\u00ebt\u00eb ide n\u00eb librin e saj t\u00eb vitit 1983, The Managed Heart<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Por vet\u00ebm s\u00eb fundmi ka filluar t\u00eb rikthehet ngadal\u00eb n\u00eb debatet online dhe n\u00eb kultur\u00ebn popullore. Jess Zimmerman, e cila ka shkruar p\u00ebr pun\u00ebn emocionale p\u00ebr The Toast<\/em>, thot\u00eb se ishte tronditur nga sasia e reagimeve q\u00eb mori – qindra e qindra gra komentuan duke u pajtuar z\u00ebsh\u00ebm dhe duke e fal\u00ebnderuar q\u00eb m\u00eb n\u00eb fund u kishte ofruar nj\u00eb fjalor p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrshkruar p\u00ebrvojat e tyre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Zimmerman e trajtoi pun\u00ebn emocionale si di\u00e7ka q\u00eb ndodh ve\u00e7an\u00ebrisht n\u00eb jet\u00ebn private, nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb akademik\u00ebt fillimisht e kishin trajtuar at\u00eb si \u00e7\u00ebshtje formale t\u00eb vendit t\u00eb pun\u00ebs. Ndoshta pik\u00ebrisht sepse gjithnj\u00eb e m\u00eb shum\u00eb gra po hyjn\u00eb n\u00eb profesione q\u00eb dikur dominoheshin nga burrat, ato po v\u00ebrejn\u00eb se nga to pritet shtes\u00eb edhe puna emocionale – pra, nj\u00eb \u201cpun\u00eb m\u00eb fem\u00ebrore\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n N\u00eb kontekst t\u00eb pun\u00ebs, puna emocionale i referohet pritshm\u00ebris\u00eb q\u00eb nj\u00eb pun\u00ebtore duhet ose t\u00eb manipuloj\u00eb ndjenjat e saj ose shprehjen e tyre, p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrmbushur k\u00ebrkesat e perceptuara t\u00eb pun\u00ebs s\u00eb saj. Puna emocionale gjithashtu p\u00ebrfshin edhe pritshm\u00ebrin\u00eb q\u00eb nj\u00eb pun\u00ebtore t\u00eb p\u00ebrshtat\u00eb ndjenjat e saj me q\u00ebllim q\u00eb t\u00eb ndikoj\u00eb pozitivisht n\u00eb p\u00ebrvoj\u00ebn e nj\u00eb klienti apo kolegu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Puna emocionale p\u00ebrfshin gjithashtu ruajtjen e harmonis\u00eb n\u00eb zyr\u00eb, t\u00eb qenit e k\u00ebndshme dhe e pranishme, por jo n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb tepruar, t\u00eb qenit e \u00ebmb\u00ebl dhe tolerante, si dhe ofrimin vullnetar p\u00ebr t\u00eb kryer detyra t\u00eb vogla (si p\u00ebrgatitja e kafes\u00eb apo printimi i dokumenteve).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mendoni p\u00ebr stjuardesat, t\u00eb cilat ishin nj\u00eb nga shembujt kryesor\u00eb t\u00eb Hochschild-it n\u00eb vitin 1983: ato duhej t\u2019u sh\u00ebrbenin klient\u00ebve me buz\u00ebqeshje t\u00eb p\u00ebrzem\u00ebrt dhe ndjeshm\u00ebri, pavar\u00ebsisht sa t\u00eb lodhura apo t\u00eb neveritura ndiheshin nga nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb q\u00eb vjellte ose nga nj\u00eb klient i bezdissh\u00ebm n\u00eb klas\u00ebn e biznesit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mendoni edhe p\u00ebr politikanen grua, nga e cila pritet t\u00eb jet\u00eb simpatike dhe arg\u00ebtuese, p\u00ebrve\u00e7se inteligjente dhe e aft\u00eb (n\u00ebse kjo ju duket e njohur, \u00ebsht\u00eb sepse ndihm\u00ebsit e Hillary Clinton-it e kishin k\u00ebshilluar ta tregonte m\u00eb shum\u00eb humorin dhe ndjeshm\u00ebrin\u00eb e saj).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mendoni p\u00ebr shankisten n\u00eb Starbucks q\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb m\u00ebngjes ju vizatoi nj\u00eb fytyr\u00eb t\u00eb buz\u00ebqeshur n\u00eb got\u00ebn e kafes\u00eb. A e kishte v\u00ebrtet d\u00ebshir\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebnte nj\u00eb hap m\u00eb shum\u00eb sot, apo ishte thjesht pjes\u00eb e pritshm\u00ebrive t\u00eb pun\u00ebs s\u00eb saj?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pas disa gll\u00ebnjkash nga Stella, Lena, sociologia, vendos t\u00eb m\u00eb ndihmoj\u00eb pak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cM\u00ebnyra si e konceptoj un\u00eb pun\u00ebn emocionale \u00ebsht\u00eb k\u00ebshtu: ekzistojn\u00eb disa profesione ku ajo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb k\u00ebrkes\u00eb thelb\u00ebsore, ku nuk ofrohet trajnim p\u00ebr t\u00eb, dhe ku ekziston nj\u00eb paragjykim pozitiv n\u00eb favor t\u00eb disa njer\u00ebzve – grave – p\u00ebr ta kryer at\u00eb. \u00cbsht\u00eb gjithashtu nj\u00eb lloj pune q\u00eb n\u00eb p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsi n\u00ebnvler\u00ebsohet nga shoq\u00ebria.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sipas hulumtimeve, n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb kumulative, puna e vazhdueshme emocionale \u00ebsht\u00eb rraskapit\u00ebse, por rrall\u00ebher\u00eb njihet ligj\u00ebrisht si ngarkes\u00eb, dhe p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb arsye, nuk paguhet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Shtimi i pun\u00ebve me paga t\u00eb ul\u00ebta n\u00eb industrin\u00eb e sh\u00ebrbimeve, ku \u201csh\u00ebrbimi duke buz\u00ebqeshur\u201d \u00ebsht\u00eb pritshm\u00ebri, i ka kontribuar edhe m\u00eb shum\u00eb rr\u00ebnjosjes s\u00eb k\u00ebtij fenomeni. N\u00eb k\u00ebto raste, puna emocionale nuk shihet si vler\u00eb e shtuar, ajo \u00ebsht\u00eb domosdoshm\u00ebri p\u00ebr ti sjell\u00eb pun\u00ebtor\u00ebt n\u00eb nivelin minimal t\u00eb pranuesh\u00ebm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n N\u00eb SHBA, ku paga minimale, n\u00eb nivel federal, p\u00ebr pun\u00ebt q\u00eb pranojn\u00eb bakshishe \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm 2.13 dollar\u00eb n\u00eb or\u00eb, kjo dukuri b\u00ebhet edhe m\u00eb e theksuar. N\u00eb k\u00ebto vende pune, pun\u00ebdh\u00ebn\u00ebsi pret pun\u00ebn emocionale, por nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i gatsh\u00ebm ta paguaj\u00eb at\u00eb. Detyra p\u00ebr ta vler\u00ebsuar pun\u00ebn emocionale u bartet klient\u00ebve – t\u00eb cil\u00ebt presin p\u00ebrmbushje emocionale dhe k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsi, para se t\u00eb japin bakshishin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kjo ka pasoja t\u00eb r\u00ebnda, ve\u00e7an\u00ebrisht p\u00ebr grat\u00eb. Sipas nj\u00eb studimi t\u00eb ROC United, nj\u00eb qend\u00ebr q\u00eb p\u00ebrfaq\u00ebson pun\u00ebtor\u00ebt n\u00eb sektorin e restoranteve, grat\u00eb q\u00eb mbijetojn\u00eb nga bakshishet n\u00eb shtetet ku paga minimale \u00ebsht\u00eb 2.13 dollar\u00eb n\u00eb or\u00eb jan\u00eb dyfish m\u00eb t\u00eb ekspozuara ndaj ngacmimeve seksuale n\u00eb vendin e pun\u00ebs, krahasuar me grat\u00eb n\u00eb shtetet q\u00eb kan\u00eb paga baz\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb larta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n T\u00eb dh\u00ebnat e fundit tregojn\u00eb se t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn dy t\u00eb tretat e pun\u00ebtor\u00ebve n\u00eb industrin\u00eb me paga t\u00eb ul\u00ebta jan\u00eb gra, dhe gjysma e tyre jan\u00eb gra me ngjyr\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Edhe n\u00eb industrit\u00eb m\u00eb prestigjioze, si\u00e7 shpjegon Jessica Collett, profesore e sociologjis\u00eb n\u00eb Universitetin e Notre Dame-it, burrat dhe grat\u00eb mund t\u00eb p\u00ebrfshihen n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn shkall\u00eb t\u00eb pun\u00ebs emocionale n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb formale, por nga grat\u00eb pritet t\u00eb kryejn\u00eb edhe nj\u00eb sasi shtes\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebsaj pune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n P\u00ebr shembull, an\u00ebtar\u00ebt e bordit, burra dhe gra, mund t\u00eb ken\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtin detyrim formal p\u00ebr t\u00eb mbajtur marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie t\u00eb mira me klient\u00ebt (nj\u00eb pritshm\u00ebri e zakonshme n\u00eb pozitat e tyre), por nga grat\u00eb shpesh pritet q\u00eb, p\u00ebrve\u00e7 k\u00ebsaj, t\u00eb kontribuojn\u00eb edhe n\u00eb harmonin\u00eb e zyr\u00ebs duke mbajtur mend dit\u00eblindjet e koleg\u00ebve ose duke zhvilluar biseda t\u00eb vogla me stafin. Edhe koleg\u00ebt burra mund ta b\u00ebjn\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb, por n\u00ebse e b\u00ebjn\u00eb, kjo shihet m\u00eb shum\u00eb si nj\u00eb cil\u00ebsi shtes\u00eb pozitive (\u201ca nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i \u00ebmb\u00ebl dhe i p\u00ebrkushtuar?\u201d).<\/p>\n\n\n\n K\u00ebt\u00eb v\u00ebrejtje e ndau edhe nj\u00eb avokate e suksesshme p\u00ebr t\u00eb drejtat e njeriut, mike e imja, e cila s\u00eb fundmi u ankua p\u00ebr pritshm\u00ebrin\u00eb q\u00eb ajo duhej t\u00eb nd\u00ebrvepronte \u00e7do m\u00ebngjes me stafin administrativ t\u00eb zyr\u00ebs – di\u00e7ka q\u00eb ajo e b\u00ebnte me k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsi, por q\u00eb n\u00eb fakt e ndjente si detyr\u00eb q\u00eb duhej ta b\u00ebnte. Asaj i duhej q\u00eb t\u00eb perceptohej si e sjellshme dhe e aft\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb fituar respektin, nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb kolegu i saj burr\u00eb as q\u00eb e merrej me k\u00ebt\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Robin Simon, profesore e sociologjis\u00eb n\u00eb Universitetin Wake Forest, e ktheu v\u00ebmendjen nga vetja dhe tha se, si profesore grua, nga ajo pritej t\u00eb ishte shum\u00eb m\u00eb e ndjeshme emocionalisht dhe e qasshme, brenda dhe jasht\u00eb klas\u00ebs, krahasuar me koleg\u00ebt e saj burra.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cStudent\u00ebt presin m\u00eb shum\u00eb emocione nga grat\u00eb,\u201d thot\u00eb ajo, duke shtuar se nga profesoret jo vet\u00ebm q\u00eb pritet t\u00eb jen\u00eb t\u00eb hareshme gjat\u00eb m\u00ebsimit (sidomos me rritjen e ndikimit t\u00eb vler\u00ebsimeve t\u00eb student\u00ebve n\u00eb pun\u00ebsim), por ato shpesh detyrohen t\u00eb marrin edhe rolin e terapistes apo t\u00eb nd\u00ebrmjet\u00ebsueses n\u00eb konfliktet e brendshme akademike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNuk e kam t\u00eb qart\u00eb. \u00c7ka \u00ebsht\u00eb puna emocionale?\u201d – m\u00eb pyeti nj\u00eb mik i imi, derisa ecte n\u00ebp\u00ebr kuzhin\u00ebn e tij dhe na e p\u00ebrgatiste drek\u00ebn nd\u00ebrsa po pushonim nga puna q\u00eb po b\u00ebnim bashk\u00eb n\u00eb sht\u00ebpin\u00eb e tij n\u00eb Manhattan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n P\u00ebrderisa po p\u00ebrpiqesha t\u2019ia shpjegoja kuptimin mikut tim q\u00eb m\u00eb gatoi drek\u00ebn, v\u00ebrejta vetullat e tij q\u00eb fillimisht u rrudhos\u00ebn nga p\u00ebrqendrimi dhe m\u00eb pas ngadal\u00eb u shnd\u00ebrruan n\u00eb hutim. Miku im, nj\u00eb inxhinier i suksessh\u00ebm softueri n\u00eb t\u00eb 30-at, q\u00eb n\u00eb shum\u00eb prej bisedave tona t\u00eb kaluara ishte treguar p\u00ebrkrah\u00ebs i kauzave feministe, qartazi mendonte se kjo ishte nj\u00eb hap i tepruar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPse duhet t\u00eb quhet pun\u00eb fakti q\u00eb grat\u00eb ofrojn\u00eb mb\u00ebshtetje emocionale? Po n\u00ebse atyre u p\u00eblqen ta b\u00ebjn\u00eb? Po n\u00ebse thjesht jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb mira n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb? Pse duhet ta paraqesim si di\u00e7ka negative?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pyetjet e tij mund t\u00eb ken\u00eb zbuluar nj\u00ebfar\u00eb irritimi ndaj meje. Sinqerisht, gjat\u00eb gjith\u00eb miq\u00ebsis\u00eb son\u00eb n\u00eb New York, ai kishte p\u00ebrgatitur t\u00eb gjitha vaktet q\u00eb kishim ngr\u00ebn\u00eb bashk\u00eb, pa u ankuar asnj\u00ebher\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPse ju feministet gjithmon\u00eb i ktheni gj\u00ebrat normale n\u00eb \u00e7\u00ebshtje p\u00ebr debat?\u201d – vazhdoi ai.<\/p>\n\n\n\n P\u00ebr t\u00eb, konceptualizimi i pun\u00ebs emocionale si di\u00e7ka tjet\u00ebr p\u00ebrve\u00e7se natyrore shihej si k\u00ebrkes\u00eb e tepruar; si nj\u00eb p\u00ebrpjekje p\u00ebr ta b\u00ebr\u00eb t\u00eb madhe di\u00e7ka q\u00eb, sipas tij, duhej l\u00ebn\u00eb e ashtu si\u00e7 ishte.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Miku im ndoshta nuk do t\u00eb guxonte kurr\u00eb t\u00eb thoshte: \u201cAh, por grat\u00eb jan\u00eb kuzhiniere m\u00eb t\u00eb mira\u201d, \u201cGrat\u00eb pastrojn\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb\u201d apo \u201cGrat\u00eb jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb afta n\u00eb kujdesin p\u00ebr f\u00ebmij\u00eb.\u201d Megjithat\u00eb, sugjerimi i tij se ndoshta disa gra \u201cthjesht jan\u00eb t\u00eb tilla\u201d – m\u00eb t\u00eb afta emocionalisht – dukej t\u00eb ishte argumenti me t\u00eb cilin p\u00ebrballesha m\u00eb s\u00eb shpeshti sa her\u00eb q\u00eb e hapja k\u00ebt\u00eb tem\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Por ky q\u00ebndrim esencialist nuk q\u00ebndron nga pik\u00ebpamja akademike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n N\u00eb nj\u00eb artikull akademik t\u00eb vitit 2005 mbi k\u00ebt\u00eb tem\u00eb, sociologia Rebecca Erickson – duke u bazuar n\u00eb t\u00eb dh\u00ebna nga 355 prind\u00ebr t\u00eb pun\u00ebsuar dhe t\u00eb martuar, gjeti se jo vet\u00ebm q\u00eb barra kryesore e pun\u00ebs emocionale n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi i binte grave, p\u00ebrve\u00e7 p\u00ebrkujdesjes p\u00ebr f\u00ebmij\u00ebt dhe pun\u00ebve t\u00eb sht\u00ebpis\u00eb, por kjo pun\u00eb lidhej me nd\u00ebrtimin gjinor, e jo me seksin biologjik.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNj\u00eb pjes\u00eb e asaj q\u00eb d\u00ebshmojn\u00eb hulumtimet mbi k\u00ebt\u00eb tem\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb se prirja m\u00eb e madhe e grave p\u00ebr t\u2019u p\u00ebrfshir\u00eb n\u00eb pun\u00eb emocionale nuk lidhet me seksin e tyre biologjik, por me rolin gjinor dhe pozicionin q\u00eb ato kan\u00eb pasur brenda familjes, grupeve shoq\u00ebrore dhe shoq\u00ebris\u00eb n\u00eb p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsi,\u201d shpjegon Collett.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ky \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb rol me t\u00eb cilin thjesht jemi m\u00ebsuar: gruaja si menaxhuese e emocioneve, \u00e7ka e fut at\u00eb n\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb Collett e quan \u201cnd\u00ebrrimi i dyt\u00eb i pun\u00ebs\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Edhe n\u00eb dhom\u00ebn e gjumit, nga grat\u00eb pritet t\u00eb menaxhojn\u00eb emocionet dhe ndjeshm\u00ebrit\u00eb e partner\u00ebve t\u00eb tyre burra.<\/p>\n\n\n\n N\u00eb nj\u00eb artikull t\u00eb publikuar n\u00eb The Guardian, Alana Massey flet p\u00ebr pabarazin\u00eb seksuale q\u00eb vazhdon t\u00eb ekzistoj\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb bot\u00eb pas \u201c\u00e7lirimit t\u00eb rrem\u00eb seksual\u201d. Mund t\u00eb kemi filluar ta pranojm\u00eb gradualisht iden\u00eb se grat\u00eb mund t\u00eb ken\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie seksuale sipas d\u00ebshir\u00ebs s\u00eb tyre, por t\u00eb qenit pozitiv ndaj seksit nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb pasuar aspak me debati m\u00eb i gjer\u00eb p\u00ebr at\u00eb se \u00e7far\u00eb lloj marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniesh seksuale u duhen dhe i plot\u00ebsojn\u00eb grat\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Prandaj, mund t\u00eb mendojm\u00eb se ndjenja e nevoj\u00ebs q\u00eb grat\u00eb t\u00eb simulojn\u00eb orgazm\u00eb t\u00eb rreme nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb thjesht pasoj\u00eb e nj\u00eb shoq\u00ebrie q\u00eb ende e sheh marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnien seksuale me burrin n\u00eb qend\u00ebr, por edhe nj\u00eb form\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019u kujdesur para s\u00eb gjithash p\u00ebr egon e burrave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nj\u00eb studim i publikuar n\u00eb vitin 2011, i cili mblodhi t\u00eb dh\u00ebna nga 71 gra heteroseksuale seksualisht aktive, zbuloi se edhe pse t\u00eb gjitha grat\u00eb raportuan se p\u00ebrjetonin orgazm\u00eb n\u00eb p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsi (kryesisht gjat\u00eb paraloj\u00ebs seksuale), 79% e tyre kishin simuluar orgazm\u00eb t\u00eb rreme gjat\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnies seksuale penetrative m\u00eb shum\u00eb se gjysm\u00ebn e herave. Madje, 25% e grave t\u00eb anketuara than\u00eb se kishin simuluar n\u00eb 90% t\u00eb rasteve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Studimi zbuloi se 66% e grave q\u00eb simuluan orgazm\u00ebn (ose si\u00e7 u quajt p\u00ebrgjat\u00eb studimit \u201cvokalizime gjat\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnies\u201d) than\u00eb se e b\u00ebnin k\u00ebt\u00eb p\u00ebr ta p\u00ebrshpejtuar ejakulimin e partnerit. P\u00ebr m\u00eb tep\u00ebr, 92% e grave raportuan se besonin fuqish\u00ebm q\u00eb kjo teknik\u00eb ndihmonte n\u00eb rritjen e vet\u00ebbesimit t\u00eb partnerit, dhe 87% e tyre than\u00eb se ky ishte pik\u00ebrisht q\u00ebllimi pse e b\u00ebnin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sara Thompson, m\u00ebsuese e cila \u00ebsht\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb avokate e \u00e7\u00ebshtjeve financiare n\u00eb t\u00eb 30-at e hershme, \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb \u00e7do aspekt pjes\u00eb e nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie shum\u00eb egalitare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bashk\u00ebshorti i saj dhe partneri prej 10 vitesh \u00ebsht\u00eb studiues, administrator dhe profesor i suksessh\u00ebm n\u00eb nj\u00eb universitet t\u00eb lig\u00ebs Ivy. Ata kan\u00eb nj\u00eb jet\u00eb t\u00eb organizuar me marr\u00ebveshje formale e joformale q\u00eb e mbajn\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnien e tyre t\u00eb sh\u00ebndetshme dhe n\u00eb dukje t\u00eb barabart\u00eb nga jasht\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Por sapo Thompson nis t\u00eb flas\u00eb p\u00ebr pun\u00ebn emocionale dhe p\u00ebrpjekjet e p\u00ebrditshme shtes\u00eb lidhur me organizimin e sht\u00ebpis\u00eb q\u00eb n\u00eb fakt pjes\u00eb e marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnies s\u00eb saj romantike, fillojn\u00eb t\u00eb dalin n\u00eb shp\u00ebrfaqen dallime t\u00eb qarta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n P\u00ebr shkak q\u00eb ishte rritur n\u00eb nj\u00eb ambient ku qortohej q\u00eb \u2018zinte shum\u00eb hap\u00ebsir\u00eb\u2019, ajo \u00ebsht\u00eb formuar n\u00eb nj\u00eb person q\u00eb vazhdimisht dhe n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb kronike i kushton v\u00ebmendje ambientit p\u00ebrreth saj.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSot jam nj\u00eb person q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb i vet\u00ebdijsh\u00ebm p\u00ebr tonin e z\u00ebrit tim, p\u00ebr pranin\u00eb e trupit tim n\u00eb hap\u00ebsir\u00ebn publike, p\u00ebr nivelin e rehatis\u00eb s\u00eb njer\u00ebzve p\u00ebrreth meje,\u201d shpjegon ajo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Shumica e gj\u00ebrave q\u00eb ajo rendit se b\u00ebn nuk jan\u00eb thjesht pastrim dhe mir\u00ebmbajtje, por lidhen ngusht\u00eb me to. Ato p\u00ebrfshijn\u00eb mendim, planifikim:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cVendosja e sendeve n\u00eb mure dhe e fotografive n\u00eb korniza, mendimi n\u00ebse duhet t\u00eb blejm\u00eb \u00e7ar\u00e7af\u00eb t\u00eb rinj sepse t\u00eb vjetrit duken t\u00eb p\u00ebrdorur, planifikimi i orarit t\u00eb dark\u00ebs, planifikimi se \u00e7far\u00eb do t\u00eb ham\u00eb p\u00ebr dark\u00eb.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb thjesht fakti q\u00eb Thompson po gatuan dark\u00ebn, por q\u00eb ajo planifikon menyn\u00eb (\u00e7far\u00eb do t\u2019i p\u00eblqente atij?), mendon p\u00ebr or\u00ebn kur duhet servirur – t\u00eb gjitha k\u00ebto jan\u00eb forma kujdesi q\u00eb kalojn\u00eb pa u v\u00ebn\u00eb re. \u201cM\u00eb nervozon shum\u00eb q\u00eb duhet t\u00eb mendoj p\u00ebr k\u00ebto gj\u00ebra. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e drejt\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb rraskapit\u00ebse,\u201d tha ajo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Planifikimi familjar \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb \u00e7\u00ebshtje tjet\u00ebr. \u201cJam un\u00eb ajo q\u00eb duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb gjith\u00eb hulumtimin dhe t\u2019ia shpjegoj atij n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb thjeshtuar. \u2018Sa koh\u00eb duhet q\u00eb t\u00eb mbetesh shtatz\u00ebn\u00eb pas heqjes s\u00eb spiral\u00ebs?\u2019 \u2013 m\u00eb pyet ai. \u2018E pse t\u00eb mos e b\u00ebsh vet\u00eb at\u00eb k\u00ebrkim n\u00ebse je duke menduar q\u00eb t\u00eb kemi f\u00ebmij\u00eb?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n E nj\u00ebjta gj\u00eb vlen edhe p\u00ebr detajet m\u00eb t\u00eb vogla t\u00eb jet\u00ebs s\u00eb p\u00ebrditshme. \u201cAi k\u00ebrkon gj\u00ebra. \u2018E ke par\u00eb lim\u00ebn e thonjve?\u2019 Shkon te dollapi dhe thot\u00eb se nuk po e sheh. \u00cbsht\u00eb aty. \u2018Ku i mbajm\u00eb peshqir\u00ebt e kuzhin\u00ebs?\u2019 Ma pyet p\u00ebrs\u00ebri e p\u00ebrs\u00ebri. Pas her\u00ebs s\u00eb tret\u00eb apo t\u00eb kat\u00ebrt, k\u00ebto gj\u00ebra duhet t\u00eb m\u00ebsohen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cKjo sygjeron se ai ka nj\u00eb shk\u00ebputje nga sht\u00ebpia t\u00eb cil\u00ebn un\u00eb nuk e kam luksin ta kem. Sepse po ta kisha, jeta jon\u00eb e p\u00ebrditshme do t\u00eb ishte nj\u00eb makth. Prandaj e marr un\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rol. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb vetja ime e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, por nuk kam zgjedhje tjet\u00ebr,\u201d thot\u00eb ajo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Prandaj Thompson zgjedh betejat e saj (a nuk b\u00ebjm\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb k\u00ebshtu?), dhe pyetja mbetet – n\u00ebse socializohemi p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb n\u00eb mosh\u00eb t\u00eb hershme, a \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur q\u00eb me kalimin e koh\u00ebs v\u00ebrtet b\u00ebhemi m\u00eb t\u00eb mira n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb, edhe n\u00ebse natyra nuk na krijoi t\u00eb tilla? A duhet at\u00ebher\u00eb thjesht t\u00eb heshtim dhe t\u00eb vazhdojm\u00eb p\u00ebrpara, sepse bota ndoshta do t\u00eb ndalonte s\u00eb rrotulluari po t\u00eb mos e b\u00ebnim?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Apo ka ardhur koha t\u00eb fillojm\u00eb t\u00eb harrojm\u00eb edhe ne dit\u00eblindjet, t\u00eb ndalojm\u00eb s\u00eb simuluari nj\u00eb k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsi t\u00eb cil\u00ebn nuk e ndjejm\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, dhe t\u00eb k\u00ebrkojm\u00eb kompensim t\u00eb drejt\u00eb e formal p\u00ebr pun\u00ebn emocionale q\u00eb ofrojm\u00eb n\u00eb vendin e pun\u00ebs si nj\u00eb aft\u00ebsi n\u00eb vete?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Epo, kjo, pik\u00ebrisht kjo, do t\u00eb ishte ndoshta revolucioni q\u00eb do ta trondiste patriarkatin deri n\u00eb palc\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n