N\u00eb tetor, kam pasur gjakderdhje p\u00ebr dhjet\u00eb dit\u00eb e p\u00ebr asnj\u00eb dit\u00eb t\u00eb vetme nuk kam pasur qasje n\u00eb nj\u00eb banjo t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sht\u00ebpia ku u strehuam, si shumica e strehimoreve n\u00eb Gaza, nuk ofronte kurrfar\u00eb privat\u00ebsie. Dy dhoma, ku flinin dyzet vet\u00eb. Banjo nuk kishte as der\u00eb, vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb perde t\u00eb shqyer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
M\u00eb kujtohet q\u00eb prisja derisa t\u00eb flinin t\u00eb gjith\u00eb, vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr tu pastruar me nj\u00eb shishe uji dhe copa t\u00eb rrobave. M\u00eb kujtohet q\u00eb lutesha t\u00eb mos njollosja dyshekun q\u00eb e ndaja me tre kush\u00ebrira.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
M\u00eb kujtohet ndjenja e turpit, jo p\u00ebr trupin tim, por p\u00ebr faktin q\u00eb nuk kisha mund\u00ebsi t\u00eb kujdessha p\u00ebr t\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u00eb luft\u00eb, trupat humbasin t\u00eb drejtat e veta, sidomos, trupat e grave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kryetitujt rrall\u00eb flasin p\u00ebr at\u00eb se \u00e7far\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb t\u00eb menstruoj\u00eb n\u00ebn bombardime, p\u00ebr n\u00ebnat q\u00eb u rrjedh gjaku n\u00eb heshtje dhe q\u00eb abortojn\u00eb mbi dysheme t\u00eb ftohta apo q\u00eb lindin n\u00ebn zhurm\u00ebn e dron\u00ebve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lufta n\u00eb Gaza nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm histori rr\u00ebnojash dhe sulmesh ajrore. \u00cbsht\u00eb histori e trupave t\u00eb penguar, t\u00eb pushtuar, q\u00eb u \u00ebsht\u00eb mohuar pushimi. E megjithat\u00eb, n\u00eb nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb a tjet\u00ebr, k\u00ebta trupa ende ekzistojn\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Si nj\u00eb grua palestineze dhe studente e zhvendosur q\u00eb tani jetoj n\u00eb Egjipt, e mbaj me vete k\u00ebt\u00eb kujtes\u00eb trupore. Jo si metafor\u00eb, por si fakt. Trupi ende m\u00eb dridhet nga zhurmat e forta. Tretjen e kam t\u00eb \u00e7rregullt. Gjumin nuk e b\u00ebj rehat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Njoh shum\u00eb gra – shoqe, t\u00eb af\u00ebrme, fqinje – q\u00eb gjat\u00eb luft\u00ebs zhvilluan s\u00ebmundje kronike, q\u00eb nuk pat\u00ebn menstruacione p\u00ebr muaj t\u00eb t\u00ebr\u00eb, q\u00eb iu tha gjiri teksa p\u00ebrpiqeshin t\u00eb ushqenin f\u00ebmij\u00ebt me gji n\u00ebp\u00ebr strehimore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lufta hyn n\u00eb trup si nj\u00eb s\u00ebmundje, dhe q\u00ebndron aty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Trupi i Gaz\u00ebs \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb hart\u00eb e cop\u00ebtimeve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
M\u00ebson shpejt t\u00eb p\u00ebrballesh, t\u00eb z\u00ebsh m\u00eb pak vend, t\u00eb jesh vazhdimisht vigjilente, t\u00eb shtyp\u00ebsh d\u00ebshir\u00ebn, urin\u00eb, gjakderdhjen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Natyra publike e zhvendosjes shkat\u00ebrron privat\u00ebsin\u00eb, nd\u00ebrsa frika e vazhdueshme e rr\u00ebnon sistemin nervor. Grat\u00eb q\u00eb dikur e ruanin me p\u00ebrkushtim d\u00eblir\u00ebsin\u00eb, tash i nd\u00ebrrojn\u00eb rrobat para t\u00eb panjohurve. Vajzat nuk flasin m\u00eb p\u00ebr menstruacionet. Dinjteti b\u00ebhet barr\u00eb q\u00eb askush nuk mund ta p\u00ebrballoj\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ky \u00ebsht\u00eb paradoksi i mbijetes\u00ebs: t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtit trup q\u00eb i mohohet siguria, b\u00ebhet mjet i rezistenc\u00ebs. Grat\u00eb ziejn\u00eb thjerr\u00ebza n\u00ebn drit\u00ebn e qirinjve, qet\u00ebsojn\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebt n\u00eb bodrum, kujdesen p\u00ebr t\u00eb vdekurit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
K\u00ebto veprime nuk jan\u00eb pasive, jan\u00eb radikale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
T\u00eb kesh menstruacione, t\u00eb bart\u00ebsh, t\u00eb ushqesh, t\u00eb qet\u00ebsosh – n\u00eb mes t\u00eb shkat\u00ebrrimit – do t\u00eb thot\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebmb\u00ebngul\u00ebsh p\u00ebr jet\u00ebn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rikthehem vazhdimisht te imazhi i n\u00ebn\u00ebs sime gjat\u00eb luft\u00ebs. Shpina e saj e p\u00ebrkulur mbi tenxhere, duart q\u00eb i dridheshin, syt\u00eb q\u00eb g\u00ebrvishtnin tavanin n\u00eb \u00e7do zhurm\u00eb. Ajo nuk hante pa ngr\u00ebn\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb. Nuk flinte pa fjetur f\u00ebmij\u00ebt. Trupi i saj mbante nj\u00ebkoh\u00ebsisht arkitektur\u00ebn e luft\u00ebs dhe t\u00eb m\u00ebm\u00ebsis\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tani e kuptoj sa politike ishte lodhja e saj sepse puna e saj, ashtu si ajo e shum\u00eb grave palestineze, sfidonte logjik\u00ebn e shfarosjes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u00eb Gaza nuk ka t\u00ebnd p\u00ebr trupin. Nuk ka asnj\u00eb hap\u00ebsir\u00eb t\u00eb sigurt ku trupat e grave mund t\u00eb shtrihen pa frik\u00eb. Lufta na zhvesh – jo vet\u00ebm nga sht\u00ebpit\u00eb dhe sendet, por edhe nga ritualet q\u00eb na b\u00ebjn\u00eb njer\u00ebzor\u00eb: pastrimi, menstruacionet, p\u00ebrballja me dhimbjen n\u00eb privat\u00ebsi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Por edhe pa streh\u00eb, trupat tan\u00eb q\u00ebndrojn\u00eb. Ata mbajn\u00eb mend. Ata q\u00ebndrojn\u00eb n\u00eb k\u00ebmb\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dhe ndoshta, n\u00eb k\u00ebmb\u00ebnguljen e tyre t\u00eb dridhshme, trupat tan\u00eb po shkruajn\u00eb rr\u00ebfimin m\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb nga t\u00eb gjith\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n