Emrat ton\u00eb p\u00ebrfaq\u00ebsojn\u00eb identitetin ton\u00eb. Mir\u00ebpo, sipas nj\u00eb sondazhi t\u00eb vitit 2016, pothuajse 90% e grave t\u00eb martuara n\u00eb Britani braktisin mbiemrat e tyre origjinal duke marr\u00eb at\u00eb t\u00eb burrave t\u00eb tyre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
T\u00eb dh\u00ebnat e sondazhit tregojn\u00eb se edhe grat\u00eb e martuara t\u00eb grup-moshave m\u00eb t\u00eb reja, 18-34 vje\u00e7, vendosin t\u00eb veprojn\u00eb nj\u00ebsoj. Disa gra gabimisht mendojn\u00eb se kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb k\u00ebrkes\u00eb ligjore. Shumica e shteteve n\u00eb Evrop\u00ebn Per\u00ebndimore dhe n\u00eb SHBA ndjekin t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtin model.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ky ndryshim n\u00eb identitetin e gruas duke marr\u00eb mbiemrin e burrit \u00ebsht\u00eb shfaqur si rezultat i historis\u00eb patriarkale, ku grat\u00eb nuk kishin mbiemra t\u00eb tyre p\u00ebrve\u00e7 se \u201cgruaja e X.\u201d Gruaja ishte pron\u00eb e burrit dhe deri n\u00eb fund t\u00eb shekullit t\u00eb XIX grat\u00eb n\u00eb Angli n\u00eb momentin q\u00eb martoheshin ua kalonin burrave t\u00eb gjitha t\u00eb drejtat e tyre prind\u00ebrore dhe t\u00eb drejtat mbi pron\u00ebn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pra, si ka mbetur nj\u00eb praktik\u00eb e lindur nga n\u00ebnshtrimi i grave ndaj burrave kaq e ngulitur n\u00eb epok\u00ebn e emancipimit t\u00eb gruas?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
P\u00ebr ta kuptuar k\u00ebt\u00eb, n\u00eb kuad\u00ebr t\u00eb hulumtimit ton\u00eb kemi intervistuar burra dhe gra n\u00eb Angli dhe Norvegji, t\u00eb sapo martuar apo t\u00eb cil\u00ebt do t\u00eb martohen s\u00eb shpejti. Norvegjia paraqet nj\u00eb pik\u00eb interesante t\u00eb krahasimit sepse ndon\u00ebse zakonisht radhitet n\u00eb 4 shtetet e bot\u00ebs ku mbizot\u00ebron barazia gjinore, shumica e grave norvegjeze akoma marrin mbiemrat e burrave t\u00eb tyre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Patriarkati dhe rezistenca<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ne kemi gjetur se pushteti patriarkal akoma nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb zhdukur. N\u00eb Angli disa burra kan\u00eb kusht\u00ebzuar grat\u00eb e tyre mbi martes\u00ebn dhe posedimin e mbiemrit t\u00eb tyre. Mandy jep nj\u00eb shembull konkret:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cUn\u00eb faktikisht nuk kam d\u00ebshiruar ta nd\u00ebrroj mbiemrin tim por\u2026 ai tha se n\u00ebse nuk ndryshon mbiemri nuk kishte kuptim t\u00eb martoheshim\u2026 ai tha se dasma nuk do t\u00eb kishte asnj\u00eb kuptim<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Shpesh, ep\u00ebrsia mashkullore n\u00eb mbiemra merrej si e mir\u00ebqen\u00eb. Grat\u00eb angleze shpesh potenconin tradit\u00ebn: \u201c\u00cbsht\u00eb tradicionale dhe konvencionale\u201d(Eleanor), ose ndiheshin se ndryshimi i mbiemrit \u201cishte gj\u00ebja e duhur p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb\u201d (Lucy). P\u00ebr Jess, kuptimi i martes\u00ebs ishte se ajo do t\u00eb merrte mbiemrin e burrit t\u00eb saj dhe do t\u00eb q\u00ebndronte karshi betimeve t\u00eb saj.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Megjithat\u00eb, ne gjet\u00ebm se pik\u00ebpamje t\u00eb tilla ishin shum\u00eb m\u00eb pak t\u00eb zakonshme n\u00eb Norvegji, ku shumica e grave mbajn\u00eb mbiemrat e tyre si mbiemra sekondar apo t\u00eb mes\u00ebm p\u00ebr t\u00eb ruajtur identitetet e tyre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n P\u00ebr disa gra angleze, marrja e mbiemrit t\u00eb burrit nuk ishte vet\u00ebm e supozuar dhe e pakontestueshme, ishte edhe di\u00e7ka e shum\u00ebpritur. Si\u00e7 e ka th\u00ebn\u00eb Abigail, “Un\u00eb mezi pres t\u00eb jem grua dhe t\u00eb ndryshoj mbiemrin tim”. Adele mendonte se \u201c\u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka e bukur t\u00eb mund t\u00eb thuash \u2019bashk\u00ebshort\u2019, t\u00eb marr\u00ebsh emrin e dikujt tjet\u00ebr dhe ta quash veten \u2018Znj\u2019\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ana tjet\u00ebr e pushtetit patriarkal ishte se disa gra i rezistonin ides\u00eb s\u00eb humbjes s\u00eb identitetit t\u00eb tyre. Ashtu si e shpjegon Rebecca:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cUn\u00eb do t\u00eb d\u00ebshiroja ta mbaj\u00eb mbiemrin tim\u2026 Kam nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb jem vetja dhe nuk do t\u00eb doja t\u00eb humbisja se kush jam.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n N\u00eb Norvegji, Caroline ndihej nj\u00ebsoj:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cUn\u00eb jam ajo q\u00eb jam, k\u00ebshtu nuk kam nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb nd\u00ebrroj mbiemrin tim<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dy gra norvegjeze me t\u00eb cilat kemi biseduar poashtu ngrit\u00ebn kund\u00ebrshtime t\u00eb qarta feministe. Anna ndjente se ndryshimi i emrit \u201ctregon shum\u00eb p\u00ebr kultur\u00ebn patriarkale\u201d. Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb, Oda ka kritikuar grat\u00eb q\u00eb nuk kan\u00eb menduar se \u00e7far\u00eb kuptimi ka mbiemri dhe burrat p\u00ebr praktik\u00ebn e \u201c\u00e7uditshme\u201d \u200b\u200bt\u00eb imponimit t\u00eb mbiemrave t\u00eb tyre tek njer\u00ebzit e tjer\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Familja \u2018e mir\u00eb\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Shum\u00eb prej personave q\u00eb kan\u00eb nd\u00ebrruar mbiemrat vepruan midis k\u00ebtyre dy poleve t\u00eb pushtetit t\u00eb burrave dhe rezistenc\u00ebs s\u00eb grave. Mir\u00ebpo, mesa duket marrja e mbiemrit t\u00eb burrit poashtu shikohet si nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb e mir\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb treguar se kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb familje \u2018e mir\u00eb\u2019. Si\u00e7 thot\u00eb Claire \u201c Un\u00eb d\u00ebshiroja q\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt t\u00eb dinin se ne ishim nj\u00eb familje dhe mendoj se mbiemri \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb e mir\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb treguar nj\u00eb gj\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n N\u00eb t\u00eb dy shtetet, ne gjet\u00ebm se nj\u00eb mbiem\u00ebr i p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt i cili simbolizon familjen si nj\u00eb t\u00ebr\u00ebsi, kryesisht ishte e lidhur me t\u00eb pasurit f\u00ebmij\u00eb. Eirin n\u00eb Norvegji, kishte pasur v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsi mes \u201cvetes s\u00eb saj feministe\u201d dhe burrit t\u00eb saj i cili d\u00ebshironte q\u00eb ajo t\u00eb merrte mbiemrin e tij edhe pse ajo ndihej se kjo \u201cnuk ishte urgjente, t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn derisa t\u00eb b\u00ebsh f\u00ebmij\u00eb\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gjoja se emra t\u00eb ndrysh\u00ebm prind\u00ebror do t\u00eb ishin hutues. Nj\u00eb grua me t\u00eb cil\u00ebn biseduam ndihej se \u201cf\u00ebmij\u00ebt nuk do t\u00eb dinin se kush jan\u00eb\u201d. Megjithat\u00eb, d\u00ebshmit\u00eb tregojn\u00eb se f\u00ebmij\u00ebt aspak nuk hutohen se kush \u00ebsht\u00eb pjes\u00eb e familjes s\u00eb tyre, pa marr\u00eb parasysh mbiemrit q\u00eb ata mund t\u00eb ken\u00eb. P\u00ebrkundrazi, me sa duket mungesa e konformitetit krijon parehati tek t\u00eb rriturit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Disa gra angleze poashtu ndiheshin se t\u00eb mos e nd\u00ebrrosh mbiemrin t\u00ebnd tregon m\u00eb pak p\u00ebrkushtim n\u00eb martes\u00eb – ashtu si\u00e7 e shpjegon Zoe:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMendoj se n\u00ebse mban mbiemrin t\u00ebnd \u00ebsht\u00eb sikur t\u00eb thuash se nuk jam edhe aq e p\u00ebrkushtuar ndaj teje.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kjo ndjenj\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb shprehur drejtp\u00ebrdrejt\u00eb nga \u00e7iftet norvegjeze, sigurisht si rezultat i p\u00ebrdorimit t\u00eb mbiemrit t\u00eb gruas si em\u00ebr sekondar, i mes\u00ebm, apo familjar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb norm\u00eb<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Tu d\u00ebshmosh t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve se jeni nj\u00eb \u201cfamilje e mir\u00eb\u201d nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb proces i leht\u00eb dhe i pakontestuesh\u00ebm. Kjo p\u00ebr arsyen se duhet t\u00eb vler\u00ebsohet nga t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt dhe kjo e b\u00ebn adoptimin e mbiemrit t\u00eb burrit nj\u00eb dukuri edhe m\u00eb t\u00eb mundshme. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Me t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, studimi yn\u00eb ka gjetur mund\u00ebsin\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00eb mbiem\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt ose p\u00ebrdorimi i mbiemrit t\u00eb gruas ishte di\u00e7ka e cila konsiderohej e rrall\u00eb n\u00eb mesin e \u00e7ifteve angleze. Pra, edhe pse disa gra jan\u00eb aktivisht t\u00eb p\u00ebrfshira n\u00eb zgjedhjen e mbiemrit t\u00eb tyre martesor, marrja e mbiemrit t\u00eb burrit mbetet akoma nj\u00eb norm\u00eb. <\/p>\n\n\n\n *Emrat n\u00eb tekst jan\u00eb ndryshuar<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n