{"id":3593,"date":"2022-01-26T11:57:55","date_gmt":"2022-01-26T10:57:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/qika.org\/?post_type=lexo-post&p=3593"},"modified":"2022-01-26T11:58:29","modified_gmt":"2022-01-26T10:58:29","slug":"gloria-steinem-per-grate-nuk-ekziston-asnje-vend-i-sigurt","status":"publish","type":"lexo-post","link":"https:\/\/qika.org\/en\/lexo-post\/gloria-steinem-per-grate-nuk-ekziston-asnje-vend-i-sigurt\/","title":{"rendered":"Gloria Steinem: P\u00ebr grat\u00eb nuk ekziston asnj\u00eb vend i sigurt"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Sa \u00ebsht\u00eb e p\u00ebrhapur dhuna ndaj grave n\u00eb Amerik\u00eb?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

T\u00eb shqyrtosh se sa e p\u00ebrhapur \u00ebsht\u00eb dhuna dhe cili \u00ebsht\u00eb ndikimi i saj \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka e madhe sepse mendoj se nuk e dim\u00eb ende p\u00ebrgjigjen p\u00ebr asnj\u00ebr\u00ebn nga k\u00ebto pyetje. Ne thjesht po zbulojm\u00eb se sa e p\u00ebrhapur \u00ebsht\u00eb dhuna. P\u00ebr shembull, duket sikur abuzimi seksual n\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebri ose abuzimi i grave n\u00eb familje e n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi \u00ebsht\u00eb rritur, por n\u00eb fakt n\u00ebse pyet grat\u00eb e mosh\u00ebs 60 ose 70 vje\u00e7, ato thon\u00eb se incidenca \u00ebsht\u00eb pothuajse e nj\u00ebjt\u00eb. Ne thjesht nuk dinim p\u00ebr rastet e koh\u00ebve m\u00eb t\u00eb hershme. Pra, ne po zbulojm\u00eb vet\u00ebm maj\u00ebn e ajsbergut. Statistikisht, vendi m\u00eb i rreziksh\u00ebm p\u00ebr nj\u00eb grua nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb rruga. \u00cbsht\u00eb sht\u00ebpia e saj. Ka shum\u00eb t\u00eb ngjar\u00eb q\u00eb ajo t\u00eb sulmohet nga nj\u00eb burr\u00eb me t\u00eb cilin jeton. \u00cbsht\u00eb trauma q\u00eb kjo dhun\u00eb shkakton q\u00eb sapo kemi filluar ta kuptojm\u00eb. \u00cbsht\u00eb nj\u00eb lib\u00ebr i mrekulluesh\u00ebm nga Judith Herman n\u00eb t\u00eb cilin ajo krahason traum\u00ebn e p\u00ebrjetuar nga veteran\u00ebt n\u00eb luft\u00eb me veteran\u00ebt e dhun\u00ebs n\u00eb familje ku zbulohet se veteran\u00ebt e dhun\u00ebs n\u00eb familje vuajn\u00eb shum\u00eb m\u00eb tep\u00ebr traum\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kush \u00ebsht\u00eb autorja dhe cili \u00ebsht\u00eb libri i saj?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judith Herman. Libri quhet Trauma dhe Sh\u00ebrimi<\/em>. N\u00ebse \u00ebsht\u00eb dhun\u00eb n\u00eb familje, \u00ebsht\u00eb dikush nga i cili je i varur, q\u00eb supozohet ta duash, kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb ndryshe nga t\u00eb qenit i rritur, me uniform\u00eb, me nj\u00eb armik p\u00ebrball\u00eb. Shpesh nuk ofrohet mb\u00ebshtetje, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb trauma \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb m\u00eb e keqe dhe shum\u00eb m\u00eb e gjat\u00eb. \u00cbsht\u00eb nj\u00eb lib\u00ebr i mrekulluesh\u00ebm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cila mendoni se \u00ebsht\u00eb origjina e dhun\u00ebs s\u00eb burrave ndaj grave? A i ka rr\u00ebnj\u00ebt n\u00eb nj\u00eb shoq\u00ebri patriarkale? A \u00ebsht\u00eb biologjike? Sociologjike? Nj\u00eb d\u00ebshir\u00eb p\u00ebr pushtet dhe kontroll?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Origjina e dhun\u00ebs ndaj grave nga burrat nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb biologjike. N\u00ebse do t\u00eb ishte k\u00ebshtu, do t\u00eb ekzistonte n\u00eb \u00e7do kultur\u00eb. Ka kultura fisnore dhe m\u00eb pak patriarkale n\u00eb t\u00eb cilat ka shum\u00eb pak dhun\u00eb, ose n\u00eb t\u00eb cilat dhuna \u00ebsht\u00eb pothuajse e barabart\u00eb midis djemve dhe vajzave. Por n\u00eb \u00e7do rast nuk ka dhun\u00eb t\u00eb organizuar. Nuk ka frekuenc\u00eb p\u00ebrdhunimesh. Pra, dhuna nuk mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb biologjike, \u00ebsht\u00eb shoq\u00ebrore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dhuna vjen nga m\u00ebsimi i burrave p\u00ebr t\u00eb dominuar. N\u00ebse do t\u00eb kesh nj\u00eb sistem dominues mashkullor, p\u00ebr t\u00eb ruajtur sistemin, duhet t’i m\u00ebsosh burrat t\u00eb dominojn\u00eb. Pra, ata arrijn\u00eb t\u00eb besojn\u00eb se kontrolli \u00ebsht\u00eb pjes\u00eb e maskulinitetit. Disa burra, jo p\u00ebr fajin e tyre, kan\u00eb lindur n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb lloj kulture, por ata jan\u00eb t\u00eb lidhur me dhun\u00ebn dhe kontrollin si nj\u00eb lloj droge, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb n\u00ebse flisni me burra q\u00eb kan\u00eb qen\u00eb t\u00eb dhunsh\u00ebm ndaj grave, ata do t\u00eb flasin p\u00ebr dhun\u00ebn pothuajse si nj\u00eb var\u00ebsi. \u201cUn\u00eb kisha nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00eb rregullim, nuk ndjehesha si nj\u00eb burr\u00eb i v\u00ebrtet\u00eb. Ajo mori guximin t\u00eb mos e gatuante dark\u00ebn n\u00eb koh\u00eb, \u00e7far\u00ebdo q\u00eb ajo b\u00ebnte m\u00eb b\u00ebnte t\u00eb ndihesha paksa jasht\u00eb kontrollit, m\u00eb pas p\u00ebrgjigjesha me dhun\u00eb\u201d, thon\u00eb ata.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Si lidhen rolet gjinore me dhun\u00ebn ndaj grave?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u00ebse i mendoni rolet gjinore si thjesht politike, at\u00ebher\u00eb e kuptoni se rrethi i plot\u00eb i cil\u00ebsive njer\u00ebzore \u00ebsht\u00eb i ndar\u00eb n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb q\u00eb dy t\u00eb tretat t\u00eb jen\u00eb mashkullore dhe nj\u00eb e treta \u00ebsht\u00eb fem\u00ebrore. Grave u mungojn\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb cil\u00ebsit\u00eb e tyre njer\u00ebzore, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb ju do t\u00eb na gjeni n\u00eb ball\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrpjekjeve p\u00ebr ta ndryshuar k\u00ebt\u00eb. Por edhe burrave u mungojn\u00eb disa. Fatkeq\u00ebsisht ata jan\u00eb m\u00ebsuar se disa cil\u00ebsi t\u00eb pashmangshme si cenueshm\u00ebria, dhembshuria, ndjeshm\u00ebria dhe pasigurisa, jan\u00eb fem\u00ebrore. Prandaj ata i shtypin k\u00ebto ndjenja, i urrejn\u00eb dhe ndjejn\u00eb turp p\u00ebr to n\u00eb vetvete.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb humbje e vetvetes. K\u00ebto ndjenja jan\u00eb pjes\u00eb e vetes suaj, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb origjina m\u00eb e thell\u00eb e humbjes s\u00eb vet\u00ebvler\u00ebsimit. Kur i shihni ato cil\u00ebsi te njer\u00ebzit e tjer\u00eb, mund t\u00eb k\u00ebrc\u00ebnoheni prej tyre. Keni frik\u00eb t\u00eb jeni pran\u00eb grave. Sepse nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb mashkullore t\u00eb jesh pran\u00eb grave. Her\u00ebn e fundit q\u00eb keni qen\u00eb af\u00ebr nj\u00eb gruaje, keni qen\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb. Burrat mund t\u00eb ndihen thjesht t\u00eb pafuqish\u00ebm nga intimiteti, nga t\u00eb qenit pran\u00eb nj\u00eb gruaje dhe gjithashtu nga ndjenjat e buta p\u00ebr t\u00eb cilat u vjen turp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Disa thon\u00eb se shoq\u00ebria \u00ebsht\u00eb e strukturuar p\u00ebr t\u00eb lejuar burrat t\u00eb jen\u00eb t\u00eb dhunsh\u00ebm? A i inkurajojm\u00eb burrat t\u00eb jen\u00eb t\u00eb dhunsh\u00ebm?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shoq\u00ebria patjet\u00ebr inkurajon dhe fal dhun\u00ebn e burrave ndaj grave. Jo aq sa dikur kur ishte m\u00eb pak e dukshme dhe kishte ende ligje n\u00eb libra q\u00eb e cil\u00ebsonin si di\u00e7ka t\u00eb mir\u00eb q\u00eb burrat t\u00eb rrihnin grat\u00eb e tyre, p\u00ebrderisa ishte brenda kufijve t\u00eb caktuar dhe grat\u00eb konsideroheshin si pron\u00eb. Gjat\u00eb val\u00ebs s\u00eb par\u00eb t\u00eb sufragist\u00ebve n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb komb, grat\u00eb cil\u00ebsoheshin si pron\u00eb, si nj\u00eb tavolin\u00eb apo nj\u00eb karrige. K\u00ebshtu q\u00eb dhuna ndaj tyre ishte mjaft e falur. Ky q\u00ebndrim \u00ebsht\u00eb zvog\u00ebluar, por \u00ebsht\u00eb ende prezent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kjo fillon me efektin domino t\u00eb supozimit se gjinia dhe marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet seksuale midis burrave dhe grave jan\u00eb mbizot\u00ebruese pasive. Kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb. Pra, ju e dini, shoq\u00ebria fal dominimin duke th\u00ebn\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb. Pastaj shkon deri n\u00eb rrahje, tortura, vrasje. V\u00ebshtir\u00eb se mund t\u00eb hap\u00ebsh nj\u00eb gazet\u00eb sot pa par\u00eb q\u00eb nj\u00eb grua \u00ebsht\u00eb vrar\u00eb nga nj\u00eb burr\u00eb p\u00ebr arsye t\u00eb qarta gjinore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A i inkurajon shoq\u00ebria grat\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb jen\u00eb viktima?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Po, shoq\u00ebria sigurisht i inkurajon grat\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb jen\u00eb viktima n\u00eb \u00e7do m\u00ebnyr\u00eb. Dometh\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00ebse duam miratim, duhet t\u00eb k\u00ebndojm\u00eb muzik\u00eb vajtuese, edhe si k\u00ebng\u00ebtar\u00eb ne k\u00ebndojm\u00eb \u201cblues\u201d. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb rregull q\u00eb nj\u00eb grua t\u00eb ket\u00eb n\u00ebn kontroll trupin e saj, sistemin e saj riprodhues, aq m\u00eb pak jet\u00ebn e saj. Madje ka kund\u00ebrshtime p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb. Pra pasiviteti shp\u00ebrblehet si fem\u00ebror. N\u00eb momentin kur ngrihesh p\u00ebr veten dhe p\u00ebrpiqesh t\u00eb jesh autonome dhe t\u00eb marr\u00ebsh vendime p\u00ebr veten, etiketohesh me shum\u00eb emra q\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb i njohim e q\u00eb jan\u00eb shum\u00eb t\u00eb zakonsh\u00ebm. Ju mund t\u00eb humbni pun\u00ebn tuaj. Ju mund t\u00eb humbni kujdestarin\u00eb e f\u00ebmij\u00ebs suaj. Ju mund t\u00eb faj\u00ebsoheni p\u00ebr d\u00ebshtimin e martes\u00ebs tuaj edhe pse ishte burri ai q\u00eb nuk mund t\u00eb toleronte nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie t\u00eb barabart\u00eb. N\u00ebse jeni rrahur, thuhet se e keni nxitur at\u00eb. N\u00ebse ju p\u00ebrdhunojn\u00eb, thuhet se e keni ftuar p\u00ebrdhunuesin. Dua t\u00eb them q\u00eb ne t\u00eb gjith\u00eb i dim\u00eb k\u00ebto gj\u00ebra q\u00eb jan\u00eb shum\u00eb t\u00eb thella n\u00eb kultur\u00eb. Ato po pak\u00ebsohen. Nuk dua q\u00eb t\u00eb dekurajohemi sepse kemi b\u00ebr\u00eb p\u00ebrparim. Por ato jan\u00eb ende t\u00eb rr\u00ebnjosura thell\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7far\u00eb mund t\u00eb b\u00ebjm\u00eb ne si shoq\u00ebri p\u00ebr t\u00eb dekurajuar dhun\u00ebn? Ka nga ata q\u00eb thon\u00eb se \u00ebsht\u00eb e pashmangshme. A mund t\u00eb ndryshojm\u00eb? Si t\u00eb ndryshojm\u00eb?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dhuna nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e pashmangshme. Dua t\u00eb them, e vetmja form\u00eb e pashmangshme e dhun\u00ebs \u00ebsht\u00eb ajo q\u00eb ne e kuptojm\u00eb, e vetmja legjitime (n\u00ebse mund t\u00eb ket\u00eb ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb dhun\u00eb legjitime) dhe kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebmbrojtja. Asnj\u00eb form\u00eb tjet\u00ebr dhune nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb legjitime. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb kurr\u00eb e pranueshme q\u00eb dhuna t\u00eb p\u00ebrdoret p\u00ebr t\u00eb zgjidhur nj\u00eb problem. Qoft\u00eb ky problem personal apo politik. Mir\u00ebpo ata do t\u00eb thoshin se gjithmon\u00eb ka pasur luft\u00ebra, burrat gjithmon\u00eb i kan\u00eb rrahur grat\u00eb. Por kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha kulturat. Nuk ka pse t\u00eb jet\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb. Hapi i par\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb imagjinimi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ne duhet t\u00eb imagjinojm\u00eb ndryshimin p\u00ebrpara se t\u00eb fillojm\u00eb t\u00eb l\u00ebvizim drejt tij. Ne gjithashtu nuk duhet t\u00eb q\u00ebndrojm\u00eb vet\u00ebm n\u00eb an\u00ebn e kthes\u00ebs s\u00eb lumit dhe t\u00eb shp\u00ebtojm\u00eb njer\u00ebzit q\u00eb po mbyten. Normalisht kjo gj\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb thelb\u00ebsore, prandaj shpenzojm\u00eb kaq shum\u00eb para p\u00ebr programe q\u00eb ndihmojn\u00eb viktimat e dhun\u00ebs n\u00eb familje, p\u00ebrdhunimit etj. Por disa prej nesh gjithashtu duhet t\u00eb shkojm\u00eb n\u00eb krye t\u00eb lumit dhe t\u00eb shohim pse njer\u00ebzit po bien. Kjo ka t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb me djemt\u00eb q\u00eb m\u00ebsohen se t\u00eb jesh dominues \u00ebsht\u00eb mashkullore dhe vajzave q\u00eb u m\u00ebsojn\u00eb se t\u00eb jesh e dominuar ose t\u00eb jesh pasive \u00ebsht\u00eb fem\u00ebrore. Ne kemi pasur shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb vend q\u00eb kan\u00eb pasur guximin t’i rrisin vajzat e tyre si djem t\u00eb tyre. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb e mrekullueshme sepse do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se ato jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb barabarta dhe fakti q\u00eb gra t\u00eb t\u00ebra tani po mbrojn\u00eb veten e tyre \u00ebsht\u00eb arsyeja pse ne kemi k\u00ebt\u00eb program. Por ka shum\u00eb m\u00eb pak njer\u00ebz q\u00eb kan\u00eb pasur guximin t’i rrisin djemt\u00eb e tyre si vajza t\u00eb tyre. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb ajo q\u00eb duhet b\u00ebr\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A \u00ebsht\u00eb barazia gjinore pjes\u00eb e p\u00ebrgjigjes?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Po, por jo vet\u00ebm barazi, sepse barazia mund t\u00eb ting\u00eblloj\u00eb si barazim mes fem\u00ebrores dhe mashkullores dhe kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb \u00e7\u00ebshtja. \u00c7\u00ebshtja \u00ebsht\u00eb se n\u00ebse ne vazhdojm\u00eb t\u00eb flasim p\u00ebr mashkulloren dhe fem\u00ebroren duke ndjekur stereotipe, at\u00ebher\u00eb do t’i b\u00ebjm\u00eb grat\u00eb t\u00eb shtypin dhe p\u00ebr\u00e7mojn\u00eb cil\u00ebsit\u00eb e tyre t\u00eb ashtuquajtura mashkullore dhe burrat t’i shtypin dhe t\u00eb p\u00ebrbuzin cil\u00ebsi t\u00eb tyre t\u00eb ashtuquajtura fem\u00ebrore dhe aty fillojn\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha telashet. Pra, ajo p\u00ebr t\u00eb cil\u00ebn po flasim \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb plot\u00ebsim i vetvetes. Kuptimi q\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb njer\u00ebzit kan\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha cil\u00ebsit\u00eb njer\u00ebzore. Duke mos gdhendur veten. Ky p\u00ebrjashtim i cil\u00ebsive \u00ebsht\u00eb shkaku i k\u00ebtij vakumi t\u00eb brendsh\u00ebm shpellor, t\u00eb paplot\u00ebsuesh\u00ebm. K\u00ebshtu ne p\u00ebrpiqemi ta mbushim zbraz\u00ebtir\u00ebn me dhun\u00eb, drog\u00eb, pun\u00eb e me \u00e7do lloj var\u00ebsie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u00eb \u201cRevolucioni p\u00ebrbrenda\u201d ju flisni p\u00ebr vet\u00ebvler\u00ebsimin, duke th\u00ebn\u00eb se urrejtja ndaj vetvetes \u00e7on n\u00eb nevoj\u00ebn p\u00ebr t\u00eb dominuar dhe p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb i dominuar. P\u00ebrve\u00e7 sfidimit t\u00eb roleve tradicionale gjinore, a \u00ebsht\u00eb pjes\u00eb e p\u00ebrgjigjes edhe p\u00ebrmir\u00ebsimi i vet\u00ebvler\u00ebsimit? A \u00ebsht\u00eb \u00e7\u00ebshtje e respektit t\u00eb nd\u00ebrsjell\u00eb? \u00c7far\u00eb k\u00ebshille konkrete do t’u jepnit grave? Burrave?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Epo, un\u00eb mendoj se k\u00ebshillat nuk jan\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshme p\u00ebr k\u00ebto dy grupe sepse jan\u00eb sfiduese p\u00ebr rolet gjinore. Por mund t\u00eb ting\u00eblloj\u00eb ndryshe sepse edhe pse po p\u00ebrpiqemi t\u00eb plot\u00ebsojm\u00eb rrethin, ne po udh\u00ebtojm\u00eb n\u00eb drejtimin q\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nd\u00ebrmarr m\u00eb par\u00eb. K\u00ebshtu, p\u00ebr shembull, n\u00ebse mendoni p\u00ebr rregullin e art\u00eb, i cili u shkrua nga burrat p\u00ebr burrat, rregull ky shum\u00eb i zgjuar, ai udh\u00ebzon t\u00eb trajtoni njer\u00ebzit e tjer\u00eb ashtu si\u00e7 d\u00ebshironi t\u00eb trajtoheni. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme dhe shum\u00eb e dobishme. Por ne grat\u00eb duhet t\u00eb trajtojn\u00eb veten ashtu si\u00e7 i trajtojm\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt. Pra ne duhet ta shikojm\u00eb an\u00ebn tjet\u00ebr t\u00eb monedh\u00ebs. Ne gjithashtu duhet t\u00eb pranojm\u00eb se ka disa njer\u00ebz q\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb jen\u00eb n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb ndryshojn\u00eb. Ka shum\u00eb shqet\u00ebsim p\u00ebr krimin n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb vend, por jo kur ai \u00ebsht\u00eb krim kund\u00ebr grave dhe f\u00ebmij\u00ebve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Riedukimi \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb zgjidhje afatgjat\u00eb. Po \u00e7far\u00eb p\u00ebr at\u00eb afatshkurt\u00ebr? Si e trajtojm\u00eb problemin n\u00eb afat t\u00eb shkurt\u00ebr? Po n\u00eb lidhje me zbatimin e ligjit dhe d\u00ebnimin?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Disa njer\u00ebz nuk do t\u00eb ndryshojn\u00eb, jan\u00eb me t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb t\u00eb paaft\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb ndryshuar sepse modeli \u00ebsht\u00eb i rr\u00ebnjosur thell\u00eb n\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebrin\u00eb e tyre, n\u00eb edukimin e tyre e k\u00ebshtu me radh\u00eb, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb edhe pse po flasim p\u00ebr parandalimin afatgjat\u00eb, duhet t\u00eb flasim gjithashtu p\u00ebr veprime afatgjata p\u00ebr mbrojtjen e viktimave t\u00eb dhun\u00ebs. Ne duhet t\u00eb zbatojm\u00eb ligjet. Ligjet e shkruara nuk jan\u00eb aq t\u00eb k\u00ebqija tani. Por zbatimi i tyre nga departamentet e policis\u00eb dhe nga gjyqtar\u00ebt \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb i gabuar. Te rasti i f\u00ebmij\u00ebve q\u00eb jan\u00eb viktima t\u00eb abuzimit seksual n\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebri, n\u00ebse dhunuesi k\u00ebrkon  kujdestarin\u00eb, n\u00eb rastin mesatar kujdestaria i kthehet babait abuzues seksual. Gjykatat jan\u00eb thjesht t\u00eb tmerrshme n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb drejtim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un\u00eb do t\u00eb thosha se p\u00ebrve\u00e7 zbatimit t\u00eb ligjeve ekzistuese, q\u00eb definitivisht nuk po ndodh tani, duhet t\u00eb financojm\u00eb qendrat e krizave pas p\u00ebrdhunimeve dhe poashtu duhet ta ndryshojm\u00eb gjuh\u00ebn. Ne duhet t\u00eb ndalojm\u00eb s\u00eb foluri se sa gra p\u00ebrdhunohen dhe duhet t\u00eb flasim se sa burra p\u00ebrdhunojn\u00eb. Ne i p\u00ebrdorim k\u00ebto folje pasive gjat\u00eb gjith\u00eb koh\u00ebs sikur t\u00eb ket\u00eb ndodhur me magji. Dikush i b\u00ebri ato vepre dhe ne duhet ta identifikojm\u00eb at\u00eb dik\u00eb. Gjith\u00e7ka q\u00eb dim\u00eb na tregon se ata fillojn\u00eb ta marrin seriozisht vet\u00ebm kur ka pasoja shum\u00eb t\u00eb r\u00ebnda p\u00ebr veprimet e tyre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gjithashtu mendoj se ne kemi nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00eb lloj d\u00ebshmitari, pra t\u00eb ket\u00eb nj\u00eb lloj programi p\u00ebr mbrojtjen e d\u00ebshmitar\u00ebve p\u00ebr grat\u00eb q\u00eb ikin nga dhuna n\u00eb familje. Sepse fenomeni i nj\u00eb burri q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb i fiksuar pas kontrollit t\u00eb nj\u00eb gruaje t\u00eb caktuar dhe q\u00eb e p\u00ebrndjek at\u00eb kudo tashm\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb v\u00ebrtetuar shum\u00eb mir\u00eb. Ne duhet t\u00eb jemi n\u00eb gjendje t’i zhvendosim grat\u00eb dhe f\u00ebmij\u00ebt atje ku jan\u00eb t\u00eb sigurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pse krimet ndaj grave nuk merren aq seriozisht? Ne kemi ligje, por ato nuk zbatohen gjithmon\u00eb. Pse ndodh kjo?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Epo, ligjet nuk zbatohen p\u00ebr nj\u00eb s\u00ebr\u00eb arsyesh, por p\u00ebr shembull n\u00eb Long Island ne b\u00ebm\u00eb nj\u00eb studim t\u00eb burrave q\u00eb ishin dhunues dhe zbuluam se profesioni i tyre m\u00eb i shpesht\u00eb ishte oficer policie. Shum\u00eb nga njer\u00ebzit q\u00eb supozohet se duhet t\u00eb zbatojn\u00eb ligjin jan\u00eb kriminel\u00eb. Ata kan\u00eb shtypur di\u00e7ka n\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebrin\u00eb e tyre dhe nuk duan t\u00eb mendojn\u00eb se jan\u00eb abuzuar seksualisht si f\u00ebmij\u00eb ose se po abuzojn\u00eb me f\u00ebmij\u00ebt e tyre dhe nuk mund ta pranojn\u00eb ose nuk do ta pranojn\u00eb, var\u00ebsisht se sa thell\u00eb kjo shtypje \u00ebsht\u00eb e varrosur. Por p\u00ebrs\u00ebri, thjesht nuk merret seriozisht nga shoq\u00ebria, pornografia e justifikon at\u00eb. Pjesa m\u00eb e madhe e asaj q\u00eb shfaqet n\u00eb televizion, n\u00eb tekstet e k\u00ebng\u00ebve, n\u00eb ilustrimet e xhaketave t\u00eb diskografive e k\u00ebshtu me radh\u00eb, e justifikojn\u00eb at\u00eb dhe e b\u00ebjn\u00eb t\u00eb duket n\u00eb rregull. Sadomazochiazma<\/em> – q\u00eb ne e dim\u00eb shum\u00eb mir\u00eb se nuk ekziston n\u00eb shoq\u00ebrit\u00eb q\u00eb nuk kan\u00eb abuzim me f\u00ebmij\u00ebt – konsiderohet si nj\u00eb lloj shprehjeje natyrale seksuale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u00ebse keni dy grupe njer\u00ebzish dhe thoni se nj\u00ebri \u00ebsht\u00eb inferior ndaj tjetrit, gj\u00eb q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb g\u00ebnjesht\u00ebr, at\u00ebher\u00eb m\u00ebnyra e vetme p\u00ebr t\u00eb ruajtur g\u00ebnjeshtr\u00ebn \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebrmes dhun\u00ebs ose k\u00ebrc\u00ebnimit me dhun\u00eb. Aty ku burrat dhe grat\u00eb bashkohen m\u00eb s\u00eb shumti me seksualitetin, pra n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi, mu ai vend \u00ebsht\u00eb mbushur me dhun\u00eb. Ne duhet t\u00eb ndajm\u00eb seksualitetin dhe dhun\u00ebn. Duhet t\u00eb themi jo. P\u00ebrdhunimi nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb seks; \u00ebsht\u00eb dhun\u00eb. Duhet t\u00eb themi se pornografia nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb erotik\u00eb, pornografia \u00ebsht\u00eb skllav\u00ebri fem\u00ebrore. Erotika \u00ebsht\u00eb dashuri, di\u00e7ka shum\u00eb e ndryshme, shum\u00eb e nd\u00ebrsjell\u00eb. K\u00ebto jan\u00eb dy gj\u00ebra t\u00eb ndryshme. Ne duhet n\u00eb nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb shum\u00eb t\u00eb thell\u00eb, t\u00eb ndajm\u00eb seksualitetin, intimitetin dhe dhun\u00ebn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ka pasur shum\u00eb polemika mbi dallimet biologjike midis gjinive. Cili \u00ebsht\u00eb mendimi juaj p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb? A mund t’i mohojm\u00eb dallimet?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Epo e dini, sa her\u00eb q\u00eb ka nj\u00eb hap p\u00ebrpara, ka nj\u00eb reagim t\u00eb kund\u00ebrt dhe k\u00ebshtu tani ne po shohim nj\u00eb reagim tjet\u00ebr p\u00ebr trurin, dallimet e trurit, dallimet gjinore t\u00eb p\u00ebrqendruara n\u00eb tru. Rreth asaj se sa papritur do t\u00eb sillemi si kafsh\u00eb. N\u00eb fakt kafsh\u00ebt sillen shum\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb se ne, por ju e dini, dikush do t\u00eb vij\u00eb dhe do t\u00eb studioj\u00eb majmun\u00ebt n\u00eb rob\u00ebri dhe do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se kjo vlen p\u00ebr qeniet njer\u00ebzore, por kjo nuk q\u00ebndron. K\u00ebshtu q\u00eb un\u00eb thjesht mendoj se duhet t\u00eb p\u00ebrdorim sensin ton\u00eb t\u00eb sh\u00ebndosh\u00eb dhe t\u00eb kuptojm\u00eb se edhe n\u00ebse ata kishin t\u00eb drejt\u00eb, nuk duhet t\u00eb vazhdoj\u00eb t\u00eb jet\u00eb k\u00ebshtu. Dua t\u00eb them se ajo q\u00eb i b\u00ebn qeniet njer\u00ebzore speciet q\u00eb kan\u00eb mbijetuar gjat\u00eb gjith\u00eb k\u00ebsaj kohe \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebrshtatshm\u00ebria jon\u00eb. Por mendoj se ka pyetje t\u00eb m\u00ebdha n\u00ebse ka qen\u00eb ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb e drejt\u00eb p\u00ebr shkak se nuk ka qen\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha kulturat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Por a nuk ka dallime t\u00eb qen\u00ebsishme midis sekseve t\u00eb cilat nuk mund t’i injorojm\u00eb?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Epo, dallimi midis dy grave ose midis dy burrave ose midis dy njer\u00ebzve t\u00eb bardh\u00eb ose midis dy njer\u00ebzve t\u00eb zinj, \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb i madh p\u00ebr t\u00eb gjitha q\u00ebllimet p\u00ebrve\u00e7 riprodhimit kur b\u00ebhet fjal\u00eb p\u00ebr seksin ose rezistenc\u00ebn ndaj s\u00ebmundjeve t\u00eb caktuara kur b\u00ebhet fjal\u00eb p\u00ebr rac\u00ebn. P\u00ebr t\u00eb gjitha q\u00ebllimet e tjera, dallimet individuale jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebdha se dallimet n\u00eb grup. Nuk ka absolutisht asnj\u00eb kuptim t\u00eb b\u00ebsh gjykime n\u00eb grup. Nuk mund t\u00eb b\u00ebjm\u00eb gjykime n\u00eb grup, duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebjm\u00eb gjykime individuale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nj\u00eb shembull rreth problemit me k\u00ebt\u00eb ide t\u00eb dallimeve gjinore t\u00eb pandryshueshme t\u00eb bazuara n\u00eb tru, jan\u00eb njer\u00ebzit q\u00eb jan\u00eb personalitete t\u00eb shum\u00ebfishta. Si\u00e7 e dim\u00eb, f\u00ebmij\u00ebt q\u00eb jan\u00eb abuzuar n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb shum\u00eb sadiste p\u00ebr nj\u00eb koh\u00eb t\u00eb gjat\u00eb jan\u00eb n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb shk\u00ebputen, disa prej tyre jan\u00eb n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb p\u00ebrdorin shk\u00ebputjen si nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb mbijetuar dhe pastaj shpikin dik\u00eb t\u00eb cilit kjo nuk i ndodh. Pra ata shpikin brenda vetes personalitete t\u00eb ndryshme q\u00eb kan\u00eb histori t\u00eb jet\u00ebs n\u00eb vete. Shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz shpikin gjithashtu nj\u00eb personalitet t\u00eb gjinis\u00eb s\u00eb kund\u00ebrt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le t\u00eb themi se nj\u00eb djal\u00eb i vog\u00ebl po abuzohet seksualisht nga nj\u00eb burr\u00eb, fakti q\u00eb kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb padyshim e papranueshme p\u00ebr t\u00eb shoq\u00ebrisht, e shtyn t\u00eb shpik\u00eb nj\u00eb person fem\u00ebr t\u00eb cilit person po i ndodh abuzimi. Ose nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb do t\u00eb shpik\u00eb nj\u00eb person mashkull q\u00eb mish\u00ebron zem\u00ebrimin e saj e k\u00ebshtu me radh\u00eb. Ajo q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb interesante p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb kur personi ndryshon nga nj\u00eb gjini n\u00eb tjetr\u00ebn, modeli i trurit ndryshon. Pra i gjith\u00eb truri djathtas-majtas, t\u00eb gjitha k\u00ebto gj\u00ebra mund t\u00eb ndryshojn\u00eb n\u00eb sekonda, n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtin person. Kjo m\u00eb thot\u00eb se ekziston nj\u00eb rreth, ndryshon kultura, biologjia, e k\u00ebshtu me radh\u00eb, por q\u00eb sigurisht q\u00eb mund t\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb nd\u00ebrhyrje n\u00eb nj\u00eb nivel kulturor q\u00eb mund ta ndryshoj\u00eb at\u00eb sjellje.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Si mund ta zvog\u00eblojm\u00eb dhun\u00ebn, jo thjesht ta nd\u00ebshkojm\u00eb at\u00eb?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ne duhet t\u00eb ndalojm\u00eb s\u00eb rrituri djemt\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb mendojn\u00eb se ata duhet t\u00eb v\u00ebrtetojn\u00eb maskulinitetin e tyre duke qen\u00eb kontrollues apo duke mos treguar emocione apo duke mos qen\u00eb \u201cvajza t\u00eb vogla\u201d. Mund t\u00eb pyes\u00ebsh f\u00ebmij\u00ebt dhe n\u00ebse pyet nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb t\u00eb vog\u00ebl se \u00e7far\u00eb d\u00ebshiron t\u00eb b\u00ebhesh kur t\u00eb rritesh, ajo do t’ju thot\u00eb tre gj\u00ebra. Djemt\u00eb jan\u00eb e kund\u00ebrta. Ata p\u00ebrmendin shum\u00eb gj\u00ebra, por n\u00ebse i pyetni po sikur t\u00eb ishit nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb e vog\u00ebl, ata m\u00ebrziten shum\u00eb me iden\u00eb se mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb kaq inferiore. Ata tashm\u00eb e kan\u00eb iden\u00eb se p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb djem duhet t\u00eb jen\u00eb superior\u00eb ndaj vajzave dhe ky \u00ebsht\u00eb problemi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jeni k\u00ebtu p\u00ebr t\u00eb sh\u00ebnuar 20 vjetorin e Qendr\u00ebs s\u00eb Sh\u00ebrimit pas P\u00ebrdhunimeve n\u00eb Utah. Pse jan\u00eb t\u00eb nevojshme qendra t\u00eb tilla?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kjo qend\u00ebr ka b\u00ebr\u00eb nj\u00eb pun\u00eb kaq t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme shp\u00ebtimtare dhe t\u00eb dhembshur p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb komunitet, saq\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb duhet t\u00eb ulen tani dhe t\u00eb shkruajn\u00eb nga nj\u00eb \u00e7ek p\u00ebr dhjet\u00eb p\u00ebrqind t\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb t\u00eb ardhurave t\u00eb tyre. Nuk mund t\u00eb fal\u00ebnderoj apo t\u00eb mb\u00ebshtes mjaftuesh\u00ebm grat\u00eb q\u00eb kan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb pun\u00eb t\u00eb shp\u00ebtimit, dhembshuris\u00eb dhe ndjeshm\u00ebris\u00eb. Shpresoj q\u00eb ne gjithashtu t\u00eb festojm\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb 20-vjetor nga burra q\u00eb punojn\u00eb me burra t\u00eb tjer\u00eb. Ka nj\u00eb s\u00ebr\u00eb grupesh n\u00eb vend dhe jam e sigurt se ndoshta ka edhe k\u00ebtu, t\u00eb cil\u00ebt e konsiderojn\u00eb pun\u00ebn e burrave si p\u00ebrfundim t\u00eb dhun\u00ebs mashkullore, jo vet\u00ebm ndaj grave dhe f\u00ebmij\u00ebve, por edhe ndaj burrave t\u00eb tjer\u00eb. Festa m\u00eb e madhe do t\u00eb ishte n\u00ebse do t\u00eb ndalonim t\u00eb sillemi sikur dhuna \u00ebsht\u00eb problem i grave. Dua t\u00eb them se krimi nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb problem i viktim\u00ebs, viktima nuk e ka krijuar krimin. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb edhe n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rast. Jan\u00eb burrat ata q\u00eb po b\u00ebjn\u00eb p\u00ebrdhunimin dhe ne duhet t\u00eb merremi me t\u00eb n\u00eb vitet e ardhshme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

E p\u00ebrktheu: Riola Morina<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tekstin origjinal mund ta gjeni n\u00eb: https:\/\/www.pbs.org\/kued\/nosafeplace\/interv\/steinem.html?fbclid=IwAR0TlhzjIOxpkx3q7hLgO4DnYzfoWlPzxNp4s9RiWh9FhhLeavbt285v-Yg<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":3596,"template":"","class_list":["post-3593","lexo-post","type-lexo-post","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nGloria Steinem: P\u00ebr grat\u00eb nuk ekziston asnj\u00eb vend i sigurt - QIKA<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/qika.org\/lexime\/gloria-steinem-per-grate-nuk-ekziston-asnje-vend-i-sigurt\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Gloria Steinem: P\u00ebr grat\u00eb nuk ekziston asnj\u00eb vend i sigurt - QIKA\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Sa \u00ebsht\u00eb e p\u00ebrhapur dhuna ndaj grave n\u00eb Amerik\u00eb? T\u00eb shqyrtosh se sa e p\u00ebrhapur \u00ebsht\u00eb dhuna dhe cili \u00ebsht\u00eb ndikimi i saj \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka e madhe sepse mendoj se nuk e dim\u00eb ende p\u00ebrgjigjen p\u00ebr asnj\u00ebr\u00ebn nga k\u00ebto pyetje. Ne thjesht po zbulojm\u00eb se sa e p\u00ebrhapur \u00ebsht\u00eb dhuna. 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T\u00eb shqyrtosh se sa e p\u00ebrhapur \u00ebsht\u00eb dhuna dhe cili \u00ebsht\u00eb ndikimi i saj \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka e madhe sepse mendoj se nuk e dim\u00eb ende p\u00ebrgjigjen p\u00ebr asnj\u00ebr\u00ebn nga k\u00ebto pyetje. Ne thjesht po zbulojm\u00eb se sa e p\u00ebrhapur \u00ebsht\u00eb dhuna. 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