Bisedat rreth p\u00eblqimit – ve\u00e7an\u00ebrisht n\u00ebse ato biseda zhvillohen me f\u00ebmij\u00eb – nuk jan\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb t\u00eb lehta. Megjithat\u00eb, ato jan\u00eb t\u00eb nevojshme kur ne p\u00ebrpiqemi t\u00eb krijojm\u00eb nj\u00eb shoq\u00ebri n\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebn p\u00eblqimi kuptohet dhe respektohet nj\u00ebsoj nga t\u00eb rriturit dhe f\u00ebmij\u00ebt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
K\u00ebta jan\u00eb 5 hapa thelb\u00ebsor\u00eb n\u00eb procesin e edukimit t\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebve mbi p\u00eblqimin:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. M\u00ebsojini se si t\u00eb k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb p\u00eblqimin<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u00eb shumic\u00ebn e koh\u00ebs, f\u00ebmij\u00ebt nuk l\u00ebndojn\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt q\u00ebllimisht.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u00ebse nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb nd\u00ebrvepron fizikisht me nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb tjet\u00ebr pa e pyetur (duke marr\u00eb lodr\u00ebn e nj\u00eb f\u00ebmije tjet\u00ebr, duke e p\u00ebrqafuar, duke e shtyr\u00eb nga rruga etj.), zakonisht \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebr shkak se ata nuk jan\u00eb m\u00ebsuar ende q\u00eb ata duhet t\u00eb pyesin p\u00ebr p\u00eblqim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00cbsht\u00eb e leht\u00eb t’i p\u00ebrgjigjesh n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb retroaktive nj\u00eb f\u00ebmije q\u00eb tashm\u00eb ka nd\u00ebrvepruar fizikisht me nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb tjet\u00ebr dhe ka marr\u00eb nj\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje negative. P\u00ebr shembull, n\u00ebse nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb p\u00ebrqafon nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb tjet\u00ebr dhe ai f\u00ebmij\u00eb fillon t\u00eb qaj\u00eb, ne mund t\u00eb jemi m\u00eb t\u00eb prirur t\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigjemi sesa n\u00ebse ai p\u00ebrqafon dhe nuk ndodh asnj\u00eb reagim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kjo do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se ne zakonisht nuk e shohim di\u00e7ka si problematike derisa t\u00eb krijohet nj\u00eb problem serioz. F\u00ebmij\u00ebt veprojn\u00eb me impuls dhe ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb gj\u00ebra q\u00eb nuk jan\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrshtatshme pa e kuptuar se veprimet e tyre jan\u00eb t\u00eb pap\u00ebrshtatshme. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb koha kur m\u00ebsimi i f\u00ebmij\u00ebve p\u00ebr t\u00eb k\u00ebrkuar miratim \u00ebsht\u00eb i r\u00ebnd\u00ebsish\u00ebm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
M\u00ebsoni f\u00ebmij\u00ebt t\u00eb pyesin “A \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb rregull me ty n\u00ebse un\u00eb…?” para se t\u00eb nd\u00ebrveprojn\u00eb me nj\u00eb person tjet\u00ebr. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb thelb\u00ebsore kur ne p\u00ebrpiqemi t’i ndihmojm\u00eb ata t\u00eb kuptojn\u00eb p\u00eblqimin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. B\u00ebjini t\u00eb ditur se p\u00eblqimi mund t\u00eb jepet ose t\u00ebrhiqet n\u00eb \u00e7do koh\u00eb<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nj\u00eb aspekt i p\u00eblqimit q\u00eb shpesh haset n\u00eb konfuzion nga f\u00ebmij\u00ebt dhe t\u00eb rriturit \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00ebse p\u00eblqimi mund t\u00eb t\u00ebrhiqet ose jo pasi q\u00eb jepet her\u00ebn e par\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00cbsht\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme t’u shpjegoni f\u00ebmij\u00ebve se edhe n\u00eb mes t\u00eb nj\u00eb nd\u00ebrveprimi fizik, p\u00eblqimi mund t\u00eb t\u00ebrhiqet dhe t\u00eb pranosh nj\u00eb form\u00eb t\u00eb kontaktit fizik nuk do t\u00eb thot\u00eb automatikisht se ke pranuar \u00e7do lloj t\u00eb kontaktit fizik.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kur e diskutojm\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb me f\u00ebmij\u00ebt \u00ebsht\u00eb thelb\u00ebsore t\u00eb shpjegojm\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsin\u00eb e t\u00eb pyeturit shpesh p\u00ebr t’u siguruar q\u00eb ajo q\u00eb po b\u00ebjn\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb rregull me personin tjet\u00ebr.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. Diskutoni r\u00ebnd\u00ebsin\u00eb e fjal\u00ebs “Jo”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb kurr\u00eb nuk duhet t\u00eb detyrohet t\u00eb nd\u00ebrveproj\u00eb fizikisht me nj\u00eb t\u00eb rritur. Edhe n\u00eb rastet kur i rrituri \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb i af\u00ebrm, mik i familjes, m\u00ebsues, trajner etj.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shpesh, ne i detyrojm\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebt t\u00eb p\u00ebrqafojn\u00eb t\u00eb af\u00ebrmit, t\u00eb marrin nj\u00eb p\u00ebrk\u00ebdhelje n\u00eb shpin\u00eb nga nj\u00eb trajner ose t’i japin nj\u00eb puthje n\u00eb faqe nj\u00eb shoku t\u00eb familjes, sepse kjo mund t\u00eb duket e pad\u00ebmshme. N\u00eb rastet kur f\u00ebmij\u00ebt thon\u00eb: “Un\u00eb nuk dua”, ata shpesh p\u00ebrballen me mosmiratim dhe m\u00eb pas detyrohen t\u00eb kryejn\u00eb nd\u00ebrveprimin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u00ebse nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb shprehet se nuk ndihet rehat kur dikush e prek, ndjenjat e f\u00ebmij\u00ebs duhet t\u00eb validohen dhe m\u00eb pas mund t\u00eb diskutoni p\u00ebr arsyet se pse f\u00ebmija nuk ndihet rehat pran\u00eb atij personi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Biseda p\u00ebr r\u00ebnd\u00ebsin\u00eb e fjal\u00ebs “jo” nuk duhet t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb bised\u00eb ku f\u00ebmij\u00ebve u thuhet: “Mos lejoni kurr\u00eb nj\u00eb t\u00eb huaj<\/strong> t’ju prek\u00eb n\u00ebse ju nuk d\u00ebshironi”. Biseda duhet t\u00eb jet\u00eb ajo ku f\u00ebmij\u00ebve u thuhet: “Nuk duhet t\u00eb lejoni ask\u00ebnd<\/strong> t’ju prek\u00eb n\u00ebse nuk d\u00ebshironi”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Ndihmojini ata t\u00eb kuptojn\u00eb dallimin midis heshtjes dhe p\u00eblqimit entuziast<\/p>\n\n\n\n P\u00ebrkufizimi i p\u00eblqimit entuziast \u00ebsht\u00eb ky: nj\u00eb “po” aktive, e qart\u00eb, e pamohueshme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Zakonisht ideja e p\u00eblqimit entuziast bie n\u00ebn diskutimet e nd\u00ebrveprimeve seksuale. Megjithat\u00eb, futja e ides\u00eb s\u00eb p\u00eblqimit entuziast kur diskutohet p\u00ebr p\u00eblqimin me f\u00ebmij\u00ebt mund t\u00eb luftoj\u00eb shum\u00eb nga paqart\u00ebsit\u00eb q\u00eb ata mund t\u2019i ken\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Diskutimi i p\u00eblqimit entuziast nuk duhet domosdoshm\u00ebrisht t\u00eb diskutohet n\u00eb lidhje me aktet seksuale. P\u00ebrkundrazi, diskutimi me f\u00ebmij\u00ebt mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb mbi faktin se heshtja nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e nj\u00ebjta gj\u00eb si fjala “po”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Paaft\u00ebsia p\u00ebr t\u00eb shprehur nj\u00eb “jo” mund t\u00eb ndodh\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00eb s\u00ebr\u00eb arsyesh: frika nga pasojat, ndjenjat e shqet\u00ebsimit, nj\u00eb paaft\u00ebsi etj. Pra, \u00ebsht\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme t’u shpjegoni f\u00ebmij\u00ebve se vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr shkak se dikush nuk tha “jo” nuk do t\u00eb thot\u00eb patjet\u00ebr se ata po thon\u00eb “po”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Sh\u00ebrbeni si shembull<\/p>\n\n\n\n F\u00ebmij\u00ebt shikojn\u00eb t\u00eb rriturit p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00ebsuar m\u00ebnyrat e duhura p\u00ebr t\u00eb bashk\u00ebvepruar n\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet e tyre nd\u00ebrpersonale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n N\u00ebse nuk k\u00ebrkoni p\u00eblqim, n\u00ebse shp\u00ebrfillni fjal\u00ebn “jo” ose n\u00ebse e detyroni p\u00eblqimin nga nj\u00eb person tjet\u00ebr, nuk do t\u00eb ket\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi se \u00e7far\u00eb i thoni nj\u00eb f\u00ebmije, sepse rregullat do t\u00eb b\u00ebhen t\u00eb pavlefshme nga veprimet tuaja.<\/p>\n\n\n\n P\u00ebr m\u00eb tep\u00ebr, rregullat p\u00ebr p\u00eblqimin q\u00eb diskutoni me nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb duhet t\u00eb zbatohen n\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha situatat. F\u00ebmij\u00ebt duhet t\u00eb kuptojn\u00eb se nuk ka r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi n\u00ebse jan\u00eb n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi, n\u00eb sht\u00ebpin\u00eb e nj\u00eb shoku, n\u00eb shkoll\u00eb ose n\u00eb park loj\u00ebrash \u2013 rregullat p\u00ebr p\u00eblqimin zbatohen kudo dhe kurdo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Michelle Dominique Burk<\/p>\n\n\n\n